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Saturday, November 27, 2010

A little bit of Puertorrican humor from back in the day...

I've become somewhat of a night owl here on the boat and often find myself surfing the web while reflecting back to the time when I most recently lived in Puerto Rico some fifteen or so years ago.

For whatever reason I'm thinking back to the time when myself and two fellow co-workers went to visit another co-worker at his house who happened to now be on the mend after under going a surgical procedure.

Well we're all glad to see that he is now on the mend but before leaving my fellow co-worker starts sharing a recent "experience" of his in a nearby town.

He proceeds to explain how he had gotten turned around while driving and found himself being pulled over by a female police officer after driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

As the officer was writing out the traffic citation, my co-worker goes on to explain that at that very moment another driver could be seen careening though the streets at an exceedenly high speed.

With that the officer is said to have placed her traffic citation notebook as well as her nightstick on the hood of his car. He then explains that the officer then gave chase to that speeding vehicle all the while blowing her whistle but not before instructing my co-worker to not go anywhere and that she'd be back in but a moment.

My co-worker further goes on to explain that he eventually did drive off after endlessly waiting for the officer to return and finish issuing the citation as well as collect her belongings which of course included her nightstick.

By now the whole story is somehow starting to seem a bit fishy to me. I certainly hadn't heard this story before but since it had been told in Spanish, I hesitated to inquire what had become of the nightstick fearing that I perhaps hadn't fully comprehended the full extent of the events.

Well at that moment, our co-worker who was on the mend now suddenly chimes up and in a most agitated manner inquires, "Y la macana? Donde esta!" (And the nightstick? Where is it!) whereupon my co-worker who had been relating the story proceeded to immediately reach down and grab himself on the inner thigh and deadpan, "La macana?, A mira... aqui la traigo!"

With that we all break out laughing our as*es off while the co-worker who had just blurted out the question suddenly realizes that he's been sucked up into a joke and is now jovially cursing all of us out. "Me cag* en la madre... Que hijuele de la gran-put* son to' ustedes" and on and on and on...

With that my co-workers and I hurriedly head off for our respective cars leaving our co-worker shaking his head and muttering crap out in his driveway.

I'm now driving off and still laughing my as* off and relieved that it wasn't me who had asked about what had become of "la macana"... especially since I myself had been on the verge of popping that very same question.

I'm suspecting that all that laughter might have caused that poor fellow to inadvertently break a stitch a two. The guys at the pharmaceutical plant never did let our fellow co-worker live that one down.

So there you have it folks... a little bit of Puertorrican humor.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Mooching a turkey dinner at the local American Legion...

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A fellow boater here in Boot Key Harbor had suggested the day before that we head on over to the local American Legion for a free turkey dinner. All we had to do was simply scribble our names in the guest book and act like we belonged.

Well it didn't quite work out so easily... Immediately upon entering, I was accosted and asked whether I was a member of that private club or whether I was a military veteran. It was an awkward moment and after responding no to both questions I proceeded to explain that I was looking for somebody who turns out had departed but a few minutes before I had arrived.

I was all set to make a quick embarrassed exit when I was asked if I'd like a plate of food whereupon I gleefully responded for sure since I was completely famished.

Ordinarily I'd have had some reservations about mooching a meal but I simply didn't want to shell out the twenty or so bucks at one of the local restaurants when there was a possibility of enjoying a free meal.

After loading up my plate with a mound of food I seated myself at one of the long empty tables and since I was a late arrival I found myself eating my dinner all by myself and remembering better days when I was once surrounded by family members.

In any event, I scarfed down my plate of food while feeling somewhat like a homeless person being treated to a free charitable meal. It did however feel good to eat a real meal for a change.

Monday, November 22, 2010

My Professional Business Card...

Although my professional business card is in need of an update insofar as my phone number and email address, I've nevertheless gone ahead and included it in my blog for your convenience.

It's a certainty that at some point you or someone that you dearly care about will one day be in dire need of my many varied and talented services... so feel free to save my business card among your favorite websites for when that moment arrives.

You can expeditiously contact me by dropping a line in the comment section of this blog posting. Simply describe in thirty words or less what your problem is that you need fixing and how soon you need it done.

My professional rates are surprisingly quite reasonable... especially if you happen to be female and super hot and can afford to pay for your own beer and beverages.

Also be advised that it is a well known fact that the gentleman in the various Dos XX Equis, beer commercials, touting himself as the "most interesting man in the world", doesn't have a thing on me and can't back up any of his claims... so don't be misled by this guy or any other impostors.

I am well known throughout the many dockside bars here in the Keys for my many adventurous and successful exploits. Feel free to walk in any bar and inquire about me. References from previously satisfied customers can be graciously furnished upon written request... or you can simply pick up my bar tab and I'll find someone to vouch for me.

Lastly... mature, sensible, attractive women in dire need of companionship get top client priority and my immediate attention.

Alex Shaffer
All Around Good Guy
Casual Hero
Personal Advisor