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Monday, June 27, 2011

Camping On A Boat...

Endearing myself to others may not be one of my better character traits but I do happen to have a lady-friend who thinks well enough of me to drive across the Tamiami Trail and drop in for an occasional weekend visit.

My friend also happens to be fond of referring to her visits as "Camping On A Boat" which is perfectly understandable considering the lack of amenities to be found aboard the boat. Space aboard my boat is somewhat limited, not to mention my cruising budget, so there are only but a few basic essential amenities onboard.

Among my essential amenities are a can opener, a two-burner Coleman stove, a cigarette lighter previously claimed off of a bar room floor, a few pots & pans that have seen better days, ceramic dishes purchased at a local Goodwill Center, a portable CD-radio player, and an ice-cooler that seldom ever sees any ice.

Nevertheless, the most critical item aboard my boat happens to be a can of Raid Flying-Insect Killer and it goes without saying that few things can induce as much fear and panic aboard a boat than a swarm of blood-thirsty mosquitoes intent on making a meal out of oneself.

... and just in case anyone might be wondering, Florida Everglades mosquitoes have yet to downsize in their evolutionary process and are about the size of your average household moth and have a nasty disposition to match.

Mosquitoes from the Everglades can be thought of as "airborne piranhas" and can suck out almost as much blood as your garden variety leech. I can assure you that Everglade mosquitoes are even badder than Puertorican mosquitoes which are pretty vicious in their own right.

So yeah... the number one essential item aboard my boat is not my GPS, nor my handheld VHF radio, or even any of my Larry Flint magazines... (uh, strike out that last part... I was just kidding.) but a can of Raid Flying-Insect Killer.

So if there is anybody out there contemplating on "Living the Cruising Lifestyle", then be sure to provision your boat with at least a caseload of Raid pesticide. Trust me, you'll come to think of that blue can as your best friend.

The irony of it all is that my lady-friend is privileged enough to live in a spacious house on Marco Island with a screened in swimming pool. Her house also happens to include all kinds of delightful creature-comforts and amenities as well.

Inside her house is a spacious kitchen equipped with a two-door refrigerator completely stocked with all kinds of edible goodies that don't necessarily come in a can. The kitchen also includes a splendid six-burner gas stove with an oven, as well as a super-sized microwave to top it off.

The living area has a bad-ass flat screen TV that just so happens to be equipped with a TV remote and in front of the TV are super-comfy sofas for sprawling out on while one mindlessly watches TV all night long.

Also throughout the house are three bathrooms, each furnished with a flush toilet and shower and all with an endless amount of running water. The bathrooms even have hot running water just in case you might have been wondering.

Lastly, she's got a second refrigerator in the garage of all things which just so happens to be loaded with cold beer!... What a brilliant concept!

So no... I'm not quite getting the allure of "Camping On A Boat"... and I'm just not getting what is so enthralling about sitting in the cockpit of the boat all night long while sipping on a bottle of Chardonnay all the while gazing up at the heavens.

I'm just not getting it but I'm certainly not going to tell her that. I'll just go on letting her think that we've got a fair trade-off going on.

She gets to ocassionally go "Camping On a Boat" while I ocassionally get to loiter all day on her sofa watching TV while drinking her cold beer and periodically raiding her refrigerator.

Yeah mon! I do believe that I've got the better end of the deal!