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Monday, August 27, 2012

Don't Get Yourself Caught Fishing for the Square Grouper...

My lady-friend for whatever compelling reason is somewhat fond of uttering random quotes when one least expects her to. And while some of these quotes do come across as rather sensible, others have the effect of leaving me scratching my head and wondering just what was so uproariously funny that made her suddenly burst out in uncontrolled laughter.

For instance, if the topic of hurricane season were to come about in conversation, then she'd most assuredly be the first to quote the lyrics to an 'ol Jimmy Buffet song and tell you that, "You just can't reason with hurricane season".

And I in turn would certainly be the first to chuckle if ever so slightly and tell you that what she had just quoted did indeed make perfect sense.

And if per chance one might perhaps be watching The Weather Channel as an errant hurricane ominously made its way towards landfall, then she'd also most certainly be the first to tell you that she'd rather be anywhere other than where Jim Cantore might happen to be.

All of which makes perfect sense to me yet again for if Jim Cantore is there, it is then a sure thing that he is in the mist of a weather related calamity while Mother Nature unleashes her pent up hostilities and furry.

Yet not all of my lady-friend's quotes happen to be weather related. For instance, if per chance she were to be quietly sipping on a glass of Chardonnay while seated in a quiet lounge only to then have some old f*rt gratuitously start hittin' on her, then she'll be quick to tell you that her response to that old geezer would be swift and to the point...

"I've got but just two questions for you... "How big are you, and how long are you good for"? All of which invariably leaves her laughing her scrawny booty off but yet again while I in turn quietly hope that I someday don't ever become yet another 'ol f*rt hoping to score a little pooty.

Nevertheless my lady-friend did have a good laugh at my expense the other day after quoting for the umpteenth time the headlines of a local newspaper in nearby Everglades City.

That particular newspaper story she quoted from described that "Every fisherman in Everglades City was now a guest of the county jail for fishing the square grouper" and that there wasn't "An abled-bodied man to be found in town" following the mass arrests.

Well I had indeed heard this story all before and not just on a few occasions either. Nor had I ever quite comprehended what it was that made this silly anecdote so darned amusing to her.

Yet it was only after my lady-friend quoted the story but yet again that I finally asked what it was that made this particular grouper so darned special that would warrant the arrest of every fisherman in town.

For you see, all along I had simply assumed that the so-called "Square Grouper" was on some endangered species list and was now zealously protected by Fish & Wildlife law enforcement officials.

My lady-friend did in any event proceed to enlighten me when describing the so-called "Square Grouper" but not before having a good laugh at my expense.

Yep feller sailors, dat indeed be the "Square Grouper"... a grouper species enthusiastically celebrated throughout the good 'ol USofA come April 20th and every afternoon at 4:20 PM...

Just don't get yourself caught fishing for the Square Grouper for if you do then you're sure to run afoul of any and all law enforcement officials throughout Southwest Florida and you just might then find yourself incarcerated in some remote and forsaken county jail.