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Sunday, June 10, 2012

Laptop Etiquette While Sharing a Table...

Hey all ya'll feller sailors!!

I do knows dat ya'll might has perhaps thunck dat ya done heards de lasts of my random, irrelevant commentarys but ya'll is completelys wrongs 'bout dat I tells ya!!

For ya see... I gots me a bee of all things buzzin' around insides my bonnet and der be sumptin' dat be bugging me now fer awhiles dat I do needs to gits off my chest.

Dat be right feller sailors... I do be feelin' a compelling need ta enlightens ya'll 'bouts a mostest impo'tant topic and dat be proper laptop etiquet' whiles ya be sharing a table wit other feller sailors in yor local marina lounge area.

And of course ya should all knows by now dat I is purty smartz 'bout proper etiquet' no matter what de social setting mights be... fer instance, it do be quite okey-dokey ta pick yor nose outs in public so long as nobodys sees ya '... cause if nobody done see ya pick yer nose, den it simply didn't happen and it den don't counts and dat it den be quite okay to casually flick that annoying bugger away.

Now I'd be de first ta admit dat ya'll probably alreadys knew dis but I needed to tells ya anyways just in case ya mights have been laying awake at night in de v-berth and a wondering.

Anywho I do needs to enlighten one and all 'bout proper laptop etiquet' and so widout any further ado here goes my suggestions in no perticular order.


First on dis here list of suggestions be dat ya show a tad bit of courtesy when taking a seat at an already occupied table. Don't just shows up and den dump yor oversized arse into dat chair widout so much as mumblin' a "'morning" or a "mind if I join yor table" or sumsuch whedders or nots ya really means it 'cause it just ain'ts good karma when der den be a bit of tension hovering arounds de table.

And listen up all you young and not so young ladies... ya need not gits yorself all uppity and into a snitch and somehows be anticipatin' dat the dude across da table is a gonna 'mediatly start hitting on ya as soon as ya take a seat at dat table.

Ya gotta understands dat sum of us fellers do has at least a smidgen of decorum and do knows better to at least waits a little whiles 'til ya gets all settled in wid yor laptop up and a running befores we den start a hittin' on ya.


Next on my enlightening list of marina laptop table etiquet' is dat ya don't hog all de plugs in de 'lectrical outlet.

C'mon dude... and you as well ol' geezer...  we all do knows dat you were der first but dat don't entitle ya to hog all de plugs for we alls knows dat ya ain't paying fer dat 'lectric bill when it come due and dat ya should know better and graciously unplugs sumptin' before being acsked. So don'ts acts all put outs and such when ya do be acsked to share a plug.


Number 3... Dude, don't clatter! You knows what I be talkin' 'bout... der simply ain't no need for ya to be making yorself an unwelcumed disruption. So quit banging all yor computer crap on dat table whiles ya be hooking it up to yor computer. Ain't nobody a wantin' to hear all dat noise you be a makin'.

And whiles we all knows dat de marina lounge ain'ts by no means a library, do kindly show a little courtesy to yor feller sailors while ya be gitten all yor sh*t squared aways.


Etiquet' number four is purty impo'tant so be sure to pay up sum close attention sailor feller.

Yo lardass! You knows who you be! Der ain't nobody a wantin' to see yor big gut spilling out overs de top of yor shorts whiles ya be peckin' aways at de keyboard in dat der marina lounge.

Dude... you should knows better den dat... all dat blubber ya be showin' alongs wit dat gawd awful hairy back of yors be quites a repulsive sight if I mights say so meself!

And jest because you be a livin' on a boat don't by any means make it okay fer you to be showin' off dat fat gut of yors. So dude... keep yor dang shirt on and don'ts fergit to leaves yor nose alones.


Suggestion number five be impo'tant too.

Dude... I knows dat you be a hungry boy and ain'ts eaten anything in a whiles and dat you be now salivating to scarf down dat crappy McDonald's take-out order dat sum 'udder feller sailor fetched fer ya, but do shows a little restraint and do goes feed yor face on elsewheres.

Ain't nobody at dat computer table a wantin' to see ya make a pig out of yorself whiles ya be checkin' out yor facebook page.

And another thing dude... don't fergit to dispose of dat crumbled up burger wrapper along wit de rest of yor mess. It be bad enuf havin' ta see ya stuffin' yor pie-hole whiles ya be at de computer table let alone havin's to look at de pile of trash dat ya be leavin' behind fer sumone else to pick up.

Jest remember feller sailor, nexts time ya forgits to clean up yor mess, sumone will be sure to flick a bugger at yor fat ass as ya be leaving. So consider yorself forewarned feller.


Nope, I ain'ts quite finished wit me suggestions quites jest yet.

Dude... yeah you wit de know-it-all attitude along wit yor incessant, unsolicited commentaries. Ain't nobody give a rat's ass 'bout yor random, irrelevant suggestions nor 'bout dat latest electronic gadgetry dat ya found online and now be claiming to be ordering fer yor boat.

'Cause de truth of de matter is dat ya know dang well dat nobody know what ya be talkin' 'bout or evens cares abouts. All ya be doing is but engagin' in sum "score-boarding" and attemptin' ta make yer feller sailers look ignorants and unprepareds.

Ya ain't a fooling me loquacious dude... all dat cute gadgetry dat ya claim to got aboard yor boat still don't mean dat ya know how to sail.

So dude... don't start a makin' noises and a such whiles surfin' de web and den saying "hhmmm, that looks interesting" and den be doing yor best to distract others at dat table from what dey be doing 'cause like I says befores, ain't nobody cares whats ya got to say.


I be almost finished wit my commentaries folks...

Yo girlfriend... do take dat phone call of yors aways from de table. Ain't nobody a wanting ta hear yor silly drama. C'mon girl, you knows better dan to be a runnin' yor mouth off whiles at dat table and a makin' yorself a distraction.

And another thing silly girfriend... ya do needs ta sit ups straight whiles at dat table 'cause it ain'ts polite posture and 'cause der ain't nobody der a caring to peek at yor profile dat ya gots posted on match dot com. Ya simply ain'ts dat dang impo'tant.

And whiles I be thinkin' 'bout it, always be sure to plug in dem earphones of yors fer dat what dey be for. Ain't nobody else at dat table a wantin' to hear dat rapper a hollerin' vulgar obsenities and such.


Now I be finished wit my laptop table etiquet' commentarys...

Dude... do be considerate and don't assume dat it be okay fer yor feller sailors to babysit yor estupido computer whiles ya git up to go fer a forty minute smoke.

Take cares of yor own sh*t. Four or five minutes be fine but forty minutes fer a smoke break be another matter altogithers.

So dares ya has it feller sailors! My enlightenin' commentary on laptop etiquet' whiles ya be sharing a table at yor marina lounge! And it didn'ts costs ya a dime.

Incidentally my lady-friend suggested to me da other day dat I be nuttier than an out-house on a peanut farm... and I is still a trying to figures dat one out while she still be a laughin' and a gigglin'.