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Saturday, December 25, 2010

The Theory of People Weirdness in the Keys...

My dear lady-friend from up on Marco Island has a theory about the Keys. It's a simple theory which makes a lot of sense and one that I may have previously heard from other sources as well. In any event I've been here long enough to attest to the fact that the theory does indeed have some validity to it.

The theory simply states that the further south one ventures down the Keys, the weirder people seem to get with the weirdest of all to be found in Key West... the last of the Keys with no more Keys to venture further on south to.

The Keys can thought of in a manner of speaking, as little magnets not unlike the ones stuck on your refrigerator door with lots of clutter pinned underneath. The Keys for whatever reason, seem to attract folks with "unconventional" lifestyles from all over the country.

I'm not just talking about the "fruits, nuts and yogurt" kind of folks either and it does seem as if most everybody down here has an independent streak of sorts about themselves. It's not uncommon to see folks practicing yoga outdoors in the early sunlight or even meditating out in a public setting.

Both young and old folk can be seen wearing wild hair along with tattoos adorning every part of their body. Other folks are into herbs and stuff, some of which are used for making tea while others are to be lit up and inhaled... not unlike the scene in small town middle America when I come think about it.

Even boaters tend to be weird and I'll even include myself in this group of folks. Collectively we all somehow seem to purport having circumnavigated and conquered the world when all we've done for the most part is dinghy to and from shore and blow off another day.

The local Cuban community in my judgement is an exception to the Keys weirdness theory. These folks tend to fly under the radar screen, are family oriented and depend on one another to get ahead in whatever endeavor it might be.

Retired military veterans on the other hand are unpleasantly weird more often than not. For whatever reason they all seem to sport an unkempt grey beard to go along with a perpetual scowl on their face.

They're quick to remind everyone that they've "served" and come across as having a sense of entitlement all the while expecting someone to pin yet another medal to their chest and to thank them yet once again for not having subjected themselves to a career of corporate downsizing.

Even tourist tend to get weirded out when they arrive here in the Keys... especially if they are here if only but for a few days. A case in point is when I happened to be in Key West a number of weeks ago sipping on a cold beverage one afternoon.

While watching tourists stroll along Duval Street, I observed a mature couple walking side by side. What made this couple standout was that the guy had strapped on a two-foot long anatomically correct male apparatus which could be seen dangling out of his pants zipper. To complete the look, he had a cigar in one hand and a beer in another as he hid behind his dark sunshades.

I seriously doubt we'll ever see a picture of him wearing that thing on his Facebook page. For all I know he probably held some big-shot corporate job back "up north" wherever that might be.

Retired snowbirds on the other hand are another exception to Keys weirdness... they are not weird in the least but predictably disgruntled and quick to complain about anything and everything. They are quite an unpleasant lot.

It also goes without saying that there are quite a few folks throughout the Keys missing a mouthful of teeth and we all know that Crystal-Meth is both highly addictive and destructive. Destructive in the sense that it can and will eat away the bone that holds one's teeth in place. These folks aren't weird... they're just simply delaminated in the complete sense of the word.

And lastly, there is a saying here in the Keys that in effect states, "If you want a girlfriend here in the Keys, then you better bring her here with you". It's a "live and let live" scene here in the Keys and if you happen to see two attractive young ladies in a bar chatting it up amongst themselves, then it's best that you don't get presumptuous and assume that they might have an interest in you.

So there you have it... The Theory of People Weirdness in the Keys.

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