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Sunday, October 10, 2010

Every Marina has a Character...

If ever there was a certainty about boat marinas, it is that they can have more than their fair share of characters... and Boot Key Harbor certainly was no exception and indeed had one such character.

While seated at the marina picnic tables and idly chatting with fellow boaters about sailing and stuff, the conversation gradually shifted to a dispute among two boaters here at the marina.

At issue was one boater purportedly brandishing a handgun on more than just one occasion to another boater as he motored his dinghy on past while enroute to his own vessel in the harbor.

A legal complaint had been filed requesting that the individual purportedly displaying the weapon be expelled from the harbor and a court hearing was to be held the next day. It was anticipated that there would be a good turnout of live-a-board boaters attending the next day's court proceedings.

Vandalism had been a recent occurrence at the marina as well... slashed tires in the parking lot had been reported in addition to mishaps at the dinghy dock.

After having only recently arrived, I had no clue as to what had initiated the dispute and even less as to who might be involved. I just assumed that the fellow with the handgun was some disenfranchised and disgruntled old guy who did little more than tune into FOX Fabrication News Network every day and reiterate every moronic Glenn Beck utterance from the prior evenings' broadcast.

I was convinced of all this especially since this was the same individual who had recently been overheard boasting to some little kid that he was going to shoot the President of the United States... an incident that was immediately reported to the authorities and had the Secret Service investigating his ass in a Dick-Cheney-heartbeat moment.

(Memo to Former Vice-President Dick Cheney... Please do the world a favor and go have yourself a fatal heart-at... oh never mind... I've had a few...)

Well it turns out that the fellow was not some disenfranchised and disgruntled old guy at all but rather some privileged young kid about half my age living aboard a sizeable sailing vessel. Supposedly there were three German shepherds and three full-sized iguanas onboard as well.

It was the same guy perpetually pacing about the marina lounge with a cell phone up against his ear while loudly pretending to carry on a phone conversation with someone on the other end of the line.

It was the same guy who I happened to see up on the dinghy docks one early morning and wish a "good morning" to only to have him start carrying about whether it really was indeed a good morning or not. His diatribe gave me instant tired-head and I couldn't get away from him fast enough.

It was the same attention-deprived "mamao" constantly intruding on everyone else's personal space as they quietly sat at a marina lounge table with their laptops while lovingly responding to emails from friends and family.

It was the same "pendejo" who stealthily snuck up right behind me while I watched a random television program one afternoon only to then to hear an obsesity-inducing soda can pop open just behind an ear...

The SWoosshh sound nearly popped an ear drum but my 180 degree turning iguana-eyes immediatly activated in time to realize that inmature dumbass was right behind me. I had the presense of mind not to acknowledge the unwelcomed intrussion into my personal space so I ignored the hell out of his ass.

It was the same dumba*s that I studiously avoided every time I'd see him pacing about attempting to engage someone... and I mean just anyone in conversation.

Well the City Marina along with a number of other complainants were successful in having his ass booted out of Boot Key Harbor... (pun most certainly intended)

Police authorities along with their trained dogs could be seen the morning after the court proceedings had concluded conducting a thorough search of his vehicle out in the marina parking lot.

Dumba*s and his super-hot companion could be seen looking on from a discrete yet obviously mandated distance. It seemed as if an entire Miami-Vice SWAT team had descended upon his ass right there in the marina parking lot. The only thing missing from that search was a helicopter hovering above the scene.

A day or two later I find myself sipping on a carbonated soda, (okay, I admit to lying...) along with other patrons at a dockside bar overlooking the entrance to Boot Key Harbor. We all observe a Sea-Tow motor boat towing a sailing vessel from one marina and later on to another.

The bartender happens to recognize the sailing vessel from our lofty perch up on the dockside bar's poop-deck and comments, "He better not even think about coming here because he's not welcomed". It just so happens that she too is a live-a-board with her sailing vessel out "on a hook" in the harbor and knew all about that immature dumba*s.

(Memo to self... tune into VHF channel 68 every morning at 9 am and get clued into all the happenings going on at Boot Key Harbor.... then yet again haul ass on out of here at daybreak and set sail off somewhere... anywhere for that matter... preferably Havana.)

Super-Dork and his companion could be seen up on deck of that sailing vessel.... yeah, it's the same dumba*s "estubido" who was back once again, only this time seeking out a marina kind enough or perhaps even broke enough to allow his sorry-ass boat to tie up to one of their docks.

It turns out that Sea-Tow was carting his ass from one marina to another because his diesel engine wasn't working... it had something to do with not having "auxiliary power".

Like I mentioned earlier, every marina has their share of characters but this was one character that most everyone at that marina was happy to see his ass booted out of Boot Key Harbor.

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